The goal is to organically increase the intensity in a way that feels comfortable for both of you. If you and your boo have only been seeing each other for about a month, then you might consider agreeing to see your partner at least two out of the four weekends of the month, if you're available. It's just enough time to establish that you enjoy each other's company without imposing too much on other areas of your life, like your weekly best friends' brunch.
Have you and your SO celebrated three months? Then by this point, you've probably settled into a date-night routine. If not, now's the perfect time to start. Take a look at your schedules each week and set aside one day or night to do something special together. This gives you something to look forward to and keeps the spark alive. All good things in moderation, right? After at least six months together, your relationship has probably outgrown any pre-determined schedules by now. You should feel comfortable hanging out with your partner spontaneously three or four times a week, but you're definitely not obligated to do so if you feel overwhelmed or if you simply feel differently.
Just do you, boo. That spark when you first meet someone who you click with can be totally intoxicating, but you don't want the bond to form too quickly. If you meet someone you like and spend several nights together in the first week, or spend multiple hours with them over the course of several days, you will typically start feeling a sense of intense emotional closeness.
But when you stop to think about it, does it make sense to feel emotionally close to someone you've just met? The problem with this dynamic is that seeing each other too frequently in the very beginning forges an illusion of intimacy and dependence, even though each person truly knows that it takes months — or even years — to truly get to know someone.
You hardly know someone, yet you're developing an emotional dependency on them — that's a scary thought. And it's not just that you're becoming dependent on them, it's that you're becoming dependent on a particular version of them, the one that you meet when you first start dating.
Then you fall for that person, before you learn who they really are. The really worrying part of all this is not just falling for someone, but potentially committing to someone before you actually have gotten to know them. I've seen friends get into relationships because it just seems like the default after they've been seeing someone three times a week for a month — but you don't want to commit to something just because of a default.
I'm always wary of hard and fast rules, because there are always exceptions. New relationships are fun and exciting, and they turn your tummy into those mushy, so-disgusting-kind-of-cute butterfly knots. Dicksand is as strong as it is sneaky. The good news? Take it from Michelle, 24, who has vowed by this rule and is now in a two-year relationship. Not saying you have to play hard to get, but seeing each other once a week will leave your partner wanting more every time.
By limiting yourself to once-a-week dates with potential bae, you have time to reflect on the date thoroughly and evaluate if those were actual sparks you felt.
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